I believe that the biggest thing for me that I’ve come across lately, is knowing that I can’t always be who my daughter needs to talk with, in her life. It’s kind of a hard one to swallow. We always want to be the most important person in our child’s lives. We want to be always there for them, provide for them and wipe their tears when they have them. Kiss it and make it all better and reassure them that it’s going to be all o.k. But what if we’re moving through stuff and don’t even know that we’re in the middle of something ourselves?
With everything that has unfolded during the past month or so, I realized that I couldn’t be there for my daughter to help her move through what she was moving through, because I was gong through my own experience of it. I was heart broken when I realized that I couldn’t be the one for her, at least not at that point.
So I picked her up at school one day and offered her the option of being able to speak with someone other than myself. At first I could see that she was reluctant. By her choice of words, I knew she was not wanting me to feel bad about her ‘choosing’ to speak with someone else. I reassured her that I wouldn’t make the suggestion unless I felt that there would be a benefit for her and myself for that matter. She hesitated and then said, “There’s nothing wrong with me. I don’t need to see a psychiatrist. I smiled as I never suggested anything of the sort or have even spoken about psychiatrists and yet, somehow she has an understanding that seeing one of them must mean that something is wrong with you.
It was a big step for me to recognize and not take offense that I couldn’t be who or what she needed in that moment. So I decided to chat with a friend of mine who does coaching so that I could make sure that I had moved through everything. I gave Meagan a few names of other women who do coaching as well. She was quite comfortable with the people that I suggested because she knows them all. So she got to pick someone that she is comfortable with and I opted to see someone that I too am comfortable with.
I’m glad that I didn’t let old stories of being ‘too proud’ get in my way so that Meagan can get exactly what she needs.
So if you end up going through a challenging experience (and it could be anything from school stuff, work, someone passing over or whatever) and if you recognize that you can’t see you’re way around it, stop – take a breath and consider having a chat with a CODE Model Coach (TM). I suggest CODE (Creation out of deep energy) Model Coaches because they have a different perspective and view of the world. It’s expansive and you know that you stand in a very different place at the end of a conversation.
Create a safe space for your child by creating a safe space for yourSelf by recognizing that sometimes even we as parents need to stop and consider, “Who Else” may we need to be there for us and lend a helpful caring hand or ear? Show your children that they aren’t alone and neither are you.
If we taught our children to truly ask for what they need, maybe their wouldn’t be so much chaos in children’s lives today.
And in a breath, I know that sometimes I need someone else just to stay present with me so that I can acknowledge whatever pain or sadness that is moving through me. Sometimes I have to let go and create space for my child that she knows that I’m not perfect and that I too sometimes need someone.
Knowing that I’m not always the one that can be there for her, creates an opportunity for her to grow and expand outside the confines of her mother. Yes, even the label of mother does seem to have ‘confines’ around it. And in another breath, life opens and expands and the old word and description of what ‘mother’ represents, is gone. A new meaning is created that is safe and loving and with plenty of room to grow for both mother and child.
Being a mother isn’t always easy and it’s always interesting. 
Hugs to all,
Amy
Tags: family life, teenagers
