Back to school – Health Issues

As the time draws near for my daughter to head back to school, she seems to be developing a ‘cold.’  Since I don’t see anything from common colds to any other health concern as a ‘dis-ease or illness,’ I allow myself to stop and consider what it could be.

With the studying I’ve done with the WEL-Systems Institute                                  (http://www.wel-systems.com/),  I now have a different understanding of the body and the intelligence that it offers us.  If you want to consider things from a different perspective and open and expand your life, I suggest you consider logging into the site.

Instead of giving my daughter cold medication or something to ‘clear out’ the sinuses, we had a conversation around the ‘impending doom’ of returning to school.  It turns out that she’s really not looking forward to it.  And really…who could blame her? 

I’m serious.  We as adults sometime don’t remember all of the rules and strict guidelines to stay ‘within’ the box that you find in a school system.  The way that I parent is, Honest – Open – Clear and Direct.  This means that she gets to ‘be’ the exact same way.  Imagine a summer of being able to be honest and speak your truth, to returning to school where already there is a ’status quo’ in place and speaking your truth is not welcomed?  Last year I got to experience how ‘closed’ a system the school is.  Although they say they’re more open than ever before…I cringe to consider what they used to be like.

We need to create something different for our children when it comes to comments or questions about school.  If you ask them how school is for them and they say, “It sucks.”  Consider that for them…that is their reality and not yours.  Did you always like school when you were going?  Personally I had days that I was happy to be there and I also had days when I wanted to run for the hills and swear at all the teachers.  Hey!!!!  Doesn’t that sound like work for us?  

We want our children to be open with us however when they speak ‘their’ truth, we respond with a “Don’t say that.  You really don’t mean that and it could always be worse.” Ouch!  If you’re the student going to school and it felt like the worse day of your life to date, do you really want to be hearing that what you’re saying isn’t real and that it could get worse?  No.  I didn’t think so.

I do believe that as parents we mean well however if we think back to when we were younger and we got honest with our children and shared with them what it was really like, they may be more open to ‘opening’ up to us.

Something that I feel is very important is parent-teacher meetings.  I really encourage you to take your children with you and take them in the class when you speak to the teacher.  I don’t care how old your children are, they have a right to know what is being said when it’s concerning them.  Something else that’s important about both of you being in the class room with the teacher is that there’s no room for ‘he said – she said.’

Have you ever had any of these conversations with your child?  “Your teacher said…___________________is that really true?” The response comes back and your child says, “No.”  Then who do you believe?  You would hope to believe your child however, why would a teacher lie?  Oh yes, and believe me they are human and they too can lie.

This year consider creating space differently for your children to ’speak their’ truth even though you may not like to hear what they have to say.  They don’t always like what we have to say either.    If we ‘allow’ them to say whatever it is that they have to say without placing a judgment on their choice of words or anything that comes out of their mouths, they just may start sharing a lot more with us.

Oh yes, school is almost back. 

Let the good times roll!!!!!

Remember to take a deep breath and exhale, it can’t get any worse, right?

Or can it?  

Happy school year to all you parents out there.

Amy

A family journey of self discovery

Today I’m in a state of ‘nesting.’  This is typical of women about to give birth as they ready their homes for something and someone new.  That is exactly what I’m doing today.  Cleaning the house, doing laundry and preparing for something new.

Tonight my husband leaves for a personal/business trip to Kentucky.  Tomorrow I leave for Ottawa and tomorrow evening my daughter has chosen to spend close to two weeks with my sister.  All of us heading off in different directions on a journey of self discovery.  What we all discover about ourselves in the process, who knows?  I trust that however life unfolds it will bring enlightenment and magnificence with it.

Last weekend my daughter and I went away and stayed in cottage.  Friday night was quite relaxing.  On Saturday I created the space for my daughter to have a coaching session with a friend of mine.  Half way through the session, my daughter requested that I join them.  What came out of her mouth kind of shocked me and yet it didn’t.  Honest, Open, Clear and Direct and…ouch!

She has been going head to head with her father for quite some time now and feels that there is no meaning to have him in her life.  What does that mean exactly, I’m not sure.  So what she asked me to do in so many words was to choose either my husband or her to have in ‘my’ life.  The choice was clearly mine.

I pondered the question for a moment, not because I didn’t know the answer rather I needed the time to check in with my body to see if any sensory cues were going off.  I took a deep breath before I answered.  “I don’t feel the need to choose either of you.  I choose both of you.  I love my husband very much and I’m not going to divorce him because you go head to head.”  She paused for a moment and we chatted and then she discovered her own need to be alone with my decision.

I do understand where she is coming from.  I also know that in that moment when she asked me the question (or stated what she’d like), in a breath my life changed.  I don’t think I fully realized just how much I love my husband.  I love them both and why should I choose one over the other?

Sunday when we came back from our weekend away, I walked around the back of our property and pondered who I am in the world and what is it exactly that I hold as meaningful to me.  I have been pondering the thought for a couple of days and yesterday there was a huge shift and today everything is different.

Yesterday morning I walked around the house crying off and on.  My body was in chaos and confusion.  I didn’t know how I was going to approach what had taken place on the weekend and I certainly had no idea of what my life was going to look like or how things were going to unfold.

My daughter ended up staying home from school yesterday.  At first I was annoyed and frustrated and then I got to a point where I really didn’t care whether or not ’she felt’ the need to stay home.   I was very clear about what I needed though.  I needed to create space for myself to consider the past few days.  So off I went to my office and found the space that I so needed.  Today I understand that she too needed a quiet day to consider things for herself.  I was also clear that while I was at the office that I would not be available.  She understood.  On any other day that she would be home and I’d be at the office, she would have called me at least a dozen times by noon – yesterday, that didn’t happened.

I considered what I could do for her to have the space that she needed to consider what her life is like within our family and what (if anything) does her father mean to her in her life?

At the age of twelve, there’s a lot going on in her life.  Sometimes I think that as adults we forget how ‘trying’ high school can be especially grade seven when so many changes are going on.  I’ve since spoken with my sister who lives close by and asked if she would consider having Meagan stay with her for close to a couple of weeks.  There’s a lot involved since Meagan is still in school.  My sister accepted.

While we’re all off in different directions, we all get the space and time we need to consider what family is for each of us.  What is meaningful in our lives?  I know personally that the dance that goes on in our house is draining and not by any means fun.

There is no yelling and screaming going on and yet there is certainly frustration and annoyance.  There needs to be a new shift for all of us to consider what else is possible for each of us alone and together as a family.  I believe that there is a benefit in being able to create space for my daughter, my husband and for myself.  If we don’t step out of ‘it,’ whatever ‘it’ is – then how can we possibly consider what else is possible?

Parenting isn’t always fun.  In fact there have been times when I asked myself, “Why have I created this insanity for myself?”  Sometimes life gets messy and it isn’t any fun.  I believe that by each of us having space to ponder the things which are meaningful to us, we may discover that there’s lots more for us to explore together and maybe sometimes alone.

Creating space to consider parenting differently.

Amy

The journey begins 

Even when you’re here, you’re not

A little over a month ago, my daughter said the above words to me.  At first I was surprised and couldn’t possibly imagine what she meant by them.  “I’m always here for you, you know that.”  Hmmm!  Yes I was always ‘there’ physically for her but I wasn’t always ‘available.’

I started to reflect over the last few months.  What I realized was that I engaged with others all day as they chose to move through their lives differently and would connect with them in the evening when I got home.  I know that making changes in our lives isn’t always easy and I made myself available so that they would never have to be alone.  Quite gracious of me, however I’m not sure if it was a good thing or a bad thing.  One thing for sure, the awareness was there and presented itself quite clearly.  Now it was up to me to decided what I was going to do with it.

I started by sending out an email to the women in my life that I usually connected with.  I suggested that instead of them calling me at home, that they call and leave a message at my office or send me an email.

Before I knew it, I had created more space in my life not only for my family but for me as well.  I had started to get exhausted by never stopping long enough to catch my breath.  (What a metaphor.  I was getting to a point where eventually I wouldn’t be able to breath).

So Meagan was clear that I wasn’t always ‘there’ and now that was changing.

I’ve started to create more and more space for myself and for my family.  I love what I do and I love being there for others but…not at the sake of my own health or family.  I was physically becoming exhausted and couldn’t possibly imagine why, until Meagan shared her thoughts with me.

How easy is it for us to become so absorbed in the things that we love so much?  So easy, that I didn’t even see it for myself until my daughter pointed it out.

Our children are so wise and yet we sometimes dismiss what they have to say because, “How could they possibly know what it’s like to be an adult?”  Truth be told, they don’t know what it’s like to be an adult.   They do however know what it’s like to be a child of an adult that is so submersed in what they do that they don’t stop long enough to notice they’re not present to their children when they’re at home.

Hmmmm, parenting I tell you isn’t always easy.  What I do know, is that we need to listen to our children and really consider what they have to share with us.

Most certainly, children don’t know what it’s like to be an adult nor do we know what it’s like for them to be our children.

Thanks to Meagan, I listen differently and now make more time for myself and for her.  Everything has changed in my life because I stopped to consider what her words really meant for me.

Have a wonderful parenting day…whether you’re a parent or not…there’s lots to learn if we stop long enough to consider…

What else?

And the possibilities are endless.

Amy

Knowing that I’m not always the one

I believe that the biggest thing for me that I’ve come across lately, is knowing that I can’t always be who my daughter needs to talk with, in her life.  It’s kind of a hard one to swallow.  We always want to be the most important person in our child’s lives.  We want to be always there for them, provide for them and wipe their tears when they have them.  Kiss it and make it all better and reassure them that it’s going to be all o.k.  But what if we’re moving through stuff and don’t even know that we’re in the middle of something ourselves?

With everything that has unfolded during the past month or so, I realized that I couldn’t be there for my daughter to help her move through what she was moving through, because I was gong through my own experience of it.  I was heart broken when I realized that I couldn’t be the one for her, at least not at that point.

So I picked her up at school one day and offered her the option of being able to speak with someone other than myself.  At first I could see that she was reluctant.  By her choice of words, I knew she was not wanting me to feel bad about her ‘choosing’ to speak with someone else.  I reassured her that I wouldn’t make the suggestion unless I felt that there would be a benefit for her and myself for that matter.  She hesitated and then said, “There’s nothing wrong with me.  I don’t need to see a psychiatrist.  I smiled as I never suggested anything of the sort or have even spoken about psychiatrists and yet, somehow she has an understanding that seeing one of them must mean that something is wrong with you.

It was a big step for me to recognize and not take offense that I couldn’t be who or what she needed in that moment.  So I decided to chat with a friend of mine who does coaching so that I could make sure that I had moved through everything.  I gave Meagan a few names of other women who do coaching as well.  She was quite comfortable with the people that I suggested because she knows them all.  So she got to pick someone that she is comfortable with and I opted to see someone that I too am comfortable with.

I’m glad that I didn’t let old stories of being ‘too proud’ get in my way so that Meagan can get exactly what she needs.

So if you end up going through a challenging experience (and it could be anything from school stuff, work, someone passing over or whatever) and if you recognize that you can’t see you’re way around it, stop – take a breath and consider having a chat with a CODE Model Coach (TM).  I suggest CODE (Creation out of deep energy) Model Coaches because they have a different perspective and view of the world.  It’s expansive and you know that you stand in a very different place at the end of a conversation.

Create a safe space for your child by creating a safe space for yourSelf by recognizing that sometimes even we as parents need to stop and consider, “Who Else” may we need to be there for us and lend a helpful caring hand or ear?  Show your children that they aren’t alone and neither are you.

If we taught our children to truly ask for what they need, maybe their wouldn’t be so much chaos in children’s lives today.

And in a breath, I know that sometimes I need someone else just to stay present with me so that I can acknowledge whatever pain or sadness that  is moving through me.  Sometimes I have to let go and create space for my child that she knows that I’m not perfect and that I too sometimes need someone.

Knowing that I’m not always the one that can be there for her, creates an opportunity for her to grow and expand outside the confines of her mother.  Yes, even the label of mother does seem to have ‘confines’ around it.  And in another breath, life opens and expands and the old word and description of what ‘mother’ represents, is gone.  A new meaning is created that is safe and loving and with plenty of room to grow for both  mother and child.

Being a mother isn’t always easy and it’s always interesting. 

Hugs to all,

Amy

Teaching responsibility…can be a challenge

I have years of experience doing everything for my daughter (and her remembering all of it very well)    I’m finding it a little bit of a challenge to ‘hang tough’ and let her learn on her own now.

I usually drive her around the corner to catch the bus.  It isn’t a far walk by any means however it usually works out well because I head to the office once she gets on the bus.  This morning I have different thoughts as to how I want to approach my day.  Well, it wasn’t fun when I shared with her that she’d have to walk.  “Fine” she says.  I’m not feeling particularly well but fine, I’ll walk.”  So with those words, I shared my own thoughts.  Consider why you may not be feeling well.  Do you know why?  Yes, she shares with me.  Hmmm, apparently I didn’t ‘make‘ her wear her sweater this weekend (even though I did suggest it several times).  She doesn’t feel well when she goes to bed late (again I share share with her that I suggested it to her many times).

At the age of twelve there is a difference than when children are younger.  Forcing her to ‘obey’ will definitely give me results. The question is, will it produce the outcome that I’m looking for?  I doubt it.  What will it teach her?  That parents call also ‘bully’ just like other children can?  Of course when parents bully it is acceptable because after-all, we’re the parents.

As she walks out the door she says, “I hope I didn’t miss my bus.”  Hmmm! 

I too hoped that she didn’t miss her bus.  I didn’t say a word except, “Love you.  Have a good day.”  And then, I stepped out onto the front porch and said a little prayer to myself.  “Please oh please – stay tough and don’t get in the car anticipating that she will miss the bus.”

In the distance I heard the bus gear down as it came close to its stop.  Ahhh, and here I am writing so you and I both know now…she is indeed on the bus. 

I cannot blame her for expecting me to continue always doing things for her.  I have taught her well.  As a mother, I have all the responsibilities and she just has to ‘be.’  Hmmm.  Now I have to teach her differently and consider things differently myself.  I can’t say that it’s always easy either.  Simple yes.  Easy?  No.

She’s an amazing young woman and I know that as much as she does understand where I’m coming from, it becomes a challenge for her as well.  Twelve years of ‘doing’ mother is very different than ‘being’ mother/Amy.  And for her, twelve years of never really having to take on responsibility and now having to, well that is different as well.

I have great conversations with her and tonight will be no different.  I don’t believe that ‘commanding’ her to do something will achieve anything.  Suggesting something is much more appealing than barking out a command.  I’ve seen the results of what ‘being told’ does for a person.    Not pretty. 

Remembering back and hearing someone say to me, “Just relax.”  Well the last thing that I would do was relax as I could feel my blood pressure go up.  A command creates defiance.  You know?  “You can’t tell me what to do or how to feel.”  The reality is…that’s true.  It is impossible to tell a person how to feel because we each have a ‘feeling’ (sensory cue) in our bodies which is unique to us.  Nor can you tell a person what to do.  Our suggestions are based on our own personal experiences.  What worked for us doesn’t necessarily mean that it will work for someone else.

Our children are no different.  What may have worked for us when we were younger may no work for them.  I hear my husband often say, “You have no idea what it ‘used’ to be like.”  He’s right about that.  She wasn’t there so how could she possibly know?    Things have changed and so have parents.  There’s more than likely not one of us that parents ‘exactly’ how we were parented.  There’s a good reason for that.  “We as children didn’t enjoy the experience.”  This is when we have to remember what it was like for us and maybe ask what is it like for our children?

Like anything else parenting is an experience and if you’re not having fun, maybe ask yourself why?  I know when I’m not having fun I know that I need to look inwards to discover that I’m the creator of what is in front of me.  Ouch!  Yes, sometimes it kinda has a bite to it and other times it really sinks its teeth in. 

Have a wonderful day with your creations! 

Amy

Children just don’t stop…do they?

A few minutes ago I heard my daughter calling me from upstairs.  I was in the middle of something so I chose not to go up right away and find out what was going on.  “Give your mother a break.  She’s in the middle of doing something.“  I took a deep breath and asked myself, “What do I want to do?”  I stood up and went to the bottom of the stairs and asked, “Is it something that is going to change my life?”  “No…but it’s really cool and it’s not going to last long.”  Hmmm, I became curious and decided just maybe I should invest a couple of minutes and walk up the stairs. 

When I got up stairs my husband said, “That kid – She just never stops.  She won’t give up until she gets what she wants.”  I smiled and responded, “How genius is that?  If adults were to do the same, can you imagine how quickly our lives and the world would change?”

Ah yes!    Children do what is unimaginable.   How magnificent is that?  I often hear, “The whole concept of No never enters their mind.”  Again, I smile. 

What if we as adults, chose that it’s always yes until it’s a definite no?  I did that a few months ago and it was wonderful.  I kept going and didn’t stop until I got the desired outcome.  My desired outcome.    Was I being child like?  Maybe.  And what I know now, is that is exactly…how I choose to live my life.

I never know how my day is going to unfold.  Of course I have an idea of what it may be like.  And…I really live by, “The plan is – There is no plan.”  For me that simply means that I can change my mind whenever I want to because I say so.  I hear other women laugh and say, “It’s a woman’s perogative.”  I smile back and say, “It has nothing to do with being a woman.  I simply do what is meaningful and if I choose to change my mind because something no longer hold meaning, I do.”

Children do the same thing.  What happens is when children change their mind, we again make up or label it,  as though there needs to be a reason why they changed their minds.  Not simply because something no longer had meaning for them.

If they’re teenagers, they could be referred to as ‘ficke.’  Or, what can you expect, “They’re teenagers.”  Wait until they get out into the real world.  “Poor kids…”  I feel for them as I write that.  “The REAL World.”  Where adults critisize, shut down others, point the finger, judge…Yes, the real world is so amazing isn’t it?

Time to take a deep breath and consider, what is the ‘real’ world like for us?  Are we in awe over our lives and what we’ve created for ourselves?  Are we proud of our creation and of the example we are ’setting’ for our children?  If not, maybe it’s time to make some changes.  Maybe it’s time to not worry about others opinions, of when you change your mind and choose what it right for you.  You’ll never make someone else happy.  So focus on your life and share with your children that changing your mind and them changing their minds, if perfectly o.k.  Never mind about the terminology of the past that is, “You promised.”  Well yes I did, and now I’ve changed my mind. 

I smile again as I write that.  Do you know that when my daughter was younger, around the time she started walking till about the time she turned nine – I would promise her things and I would not go back on my word.  Not even if keeping my word meant that it would cause me great physical pain or health issues?  “How crazy is that?”  What was I teaching her back then?

Now I approach things differently.  I may have an intention to do something with her and I’ll phrase it so that I feel comfortable and that she knows, I just may change my mind.  I’m not being a ‘bad’ parent because I change my mind, rather I’m creating space to always and only do what feels meaningful to me in the moment.  By me choosing to move through my world this way, she sees that she too can change her mind and only do what is meaningful to her.

Allow yourself to reflect on your childhood and see if you can remember a time when you only did what was right for you.  Were you encourage or reprimanded by the adults in your world?  And remember, that that was then and this is now.  You’re an adult now.  So choose what is meaningful and share with your children that they can do the same.  You may discover that they really don’t like piano or playing soccer most evenings and during the summer.  And then, you get to stand at a choice point and have an open and honest discussion with them.   Hmmm, sounds like I’ve just created space for another blog. 

Create Space for yourSelf…Because…If you don’t who will?  And always consider, “What are you teaching/sharing with your children.

Have a wonderful weekend,

Amy

Time to get interested in your child’s life

There’s no doubt that over the past few days there is a different awareness that has entered my life.  Over the past two years I have been changing the way I approach parenting.  I realized that it wasn’t about something to do rather it is about ‘Being.’

With the way things have been unfolding over the past few days, I’m really clear that I need to be the one in my life to make a difference in my child’s life.  I need to lead by example and not talk about it.  I need to ‘Be’ it.

My daughter doesn’t want to share with other adults about the death threat she received.  Why?  Because adults are cynical.  And this is my belief and my opinion and…I ask that you consider what I’m about to share with you, without judgment – only open heart and open mind.  I trust that if you’re reading this blog that you are a parent, know or have children in your life and if nothing else, have been a child.  Allow my words to just flow/rumble (whatever it is for you) through your body.  Remember to breath deeply and exhale slowly.  Pay attention to your body and if you notice anything ‘firing’ off.  Chest pain, light headedness, coughing.  It’s nothing more than your body waking up and trying to share information.

As a parent and as a child growing up, I often heard these words.  “What did you do for them to react that way?  You must have done something because people don’t just up and do something like that.” Adults seem to always be looking for someone else to blame and that is what we’re teaching our children.  Point your finger at someone else,  Blame a person for their actions.

Do we ever stop to consider that the other person has their own family systems going on in their life.  “What cause a child to write hate letters?  What causes a child to abuse another?  What cause children to be mean and hurtful and cynical?  Hmmm!  Know the answer yet?  Children are what they learn. You’re going to be ‘hearing’ that a lot on this blog and I’ll keep writing it and saying it at different times and in different ways.  As we inhale and exhale, our lives change and evolve and so do our children’s lives as well.

When was the last time you asked your child what their day was like and actually listened?  Did you put on a pot of tea, make a hot chocolate or go out for one?  Do you create the space where they really know that you are  actually interested and not simply going through the motion?  Or are you too busy ‘doing’ stuff and don’t have time?  Are you parenting consciously or mindlessly?  Does this sound harsh to you?  Good.  Because I tell you right her right now with tears welling up in my eyes, having my daughter receive a death threat letter was harsh.  Witnessing blood all over a child because she had done wrong is harsh.  Listening to these children (lots of tears flowing) as they realize that what they did was wrong, is simply sad.

Just a few minutes ago the phone rang.  It was for my daughter.  I shared with her that we have but a couple of minutes before we have to leave.  It’s one of the little girls that was involved in ‘helping’ write/word the letter.  She is in tears and wants Meagan to still be her friend.  She sobs as she says, “I’m sorry Meggie.  I’m really sorry.  I don’t know why I did what I did.  I really don’t.”  (Tears, deep breaths).  What I hear from my daughter confirms that in a breath, life can change and evolve.  “It o.k. _________.  Well, it’s not that it’s o.k.  What you did wasn’t right but…I’m o.k. and yes I still want to be friends.  I’ve gotta go but we can talk at school at recess.”

The night the little girl showed up at my door with her mother, she was in tears.  She knows in her body that what she did wasn’t right.  And yet she did it.  Why?  Maybe it was the only way that she could create an opportunity to be seen.  To be heard.

I heard her cries.  I witnessed her pain.  And I held her in my arms.  I do not wish ill of anyone.  She’s just a little girl going through at lot in her life.  I could not wish ill on her anymore than my own daughter.  I do not wish ill on the person who did what they did to the little girl.  I held that person in my arms as well.  What if the kindness that they recieved was the first act of kindness that they have ever received in their lives?

One small act of kindness, one small change can be what it takes to start a ripple, which turns into a wave and then a tsunami.  What changes in people’s lives have occurred because I chose to engage differently?

My daughter went through blaming herself for what happened in the other girls life.  The fact that she was beaten is not Meagan’s responsibility.  It is the responsibility of the one who did it.

At the end of all this, which is only the beginning – People’s lives have changed.  People who would have continued to repeat a cycle of abuse, hatred and pain (because that is all they knew), now have an opportunity to get help and change their lives.

Thank-you for letting me share the truth of ‘my’ experience.

Consider Creating Space for YourSelf to be the Change that You want to see in your child’s life.

Amy

If not me…then who?

Who will choose to be the voice of the children who never get heard?  Do their cries fall on deaf ears?  Do we make up stories that sound like, “They got what they deserves.”  Hmmm, they got what they deserved?

My heart is heavy right now.  I’m going to try to put in words what is going on in my body.  Pain, disbelief, sorrow, complete and utter sadness.  If not me, then who?  Who will be the voice for the children who have fear of being harmed by the people who are supposed to love them?

I’m numb with pain right now.  My fingers move slowly over the keys.  I see them move and yet, I feel nothing.  How could it be that I see my fingers moving and yet I don’t feel the movement?

Earlier tonight I had feelings.  I had tons of feelings flooding my body and I wanted to turn them off.  Well, not entirely true.  Honoring the truth of my own experiences, following the impulses in my body, paying attention to every sensory cue as it moves in my body…this is how I live my life.  And for a brief moment tonight, I wasn’t sure if I really wanted to feel.  And yet, without feelling, evolution will cease to exist for me and for others.

I’m not sure what I’m going to say.  Someone has to be the one to go first.  In my life it may as well be me.  And so when I witness a child being physically or any other way, being harmed by their parents or anyone else, do I say, “They got what they deserved?”  “Do I assume that the child must have done something wrong?”  “Do I pass judgment based on limiting beliefs as to what I hold as right or wrong, and do I judge another on what I believe?”

Most certainly when it comes to a child being physically, mentally or sexually abused by their parents.  I am no longer willing to turn a blind eye to what I have witnessed with my eyes.  Suffer the little children…I don’t think so.

In my earlier blog I shared that my life has changed and so has the life of my daughter.  Well in a breath life changed again.  This time the breathing was labored and the witnessing of brutallity was painful.

I am done.  No longer will I witness children being abused and turn a blind eye to it.  I refuse to wait and read in the papers that yet another child has been murdered by their parents.  I will not be silenced and I will speak up and be the voice of the lambs that are small and gentle and so unsuspecting of the harm that can be done to them.  So trusting knowing in their bodies that the person who has brought them into the world could not possibly be the one to do them harm.  I WILL BE THEIR VOICE AND THE WILL BE HEARD.

Transformation and Evolution can only happen if we stop repeating history.  I will be the one to go first in my life.  Are you willing to be the one in your life to go first?

Creating Space to Consider Parenting – Differently

With a heavy heart and knowing that I will be first and that I AM the one who will make a difference…because I say so.  How willing are you to be the one to make a difference, because you say so?

Amy

High school – it’s not about living it’s about surviving

Last night my daughter came to me and asked if we could talk.  “Of course we can, what’s up.”

I don’t think that anything could have prepared me for what I was about to hear.  Another young girl, 12-13 wrote a death threat saying that my daughter would be killed.  “Hey Loser.  Want to be Enemies?”  The note came from one girl with the threat that someone else would kill her.

I took a breath.  Remembering to stay calm and relaxed in my body took effort.  On any other day it would have been a piece of cake.  Such was not the case last night.  I reread the note.  It was so filled with hatred and I wondered, “how could a young girl have so much hatred for another in her body?”  Where did it come from?  In a breath I realized it wasn’t important.  I needed to stay present to myself so that I could stay present to my daughter.  I know they say that times have changed but I honestly don’t remember things like that happening when I was in high school.  Or could it be that I’ve simply pushed those memories aside because they’re no longer relevant to me?  That has changed today.  The information is in my home.

On the weekend a group of Women Gathered.  Some were mothers and all of us were children at some point.  So we shared the experience of being parented.  I put a question out to the group.  “When you were young, were you ever encouraged to just be yourself? Everyone laughed.  I continued on.  Was it fun for you growing up?  Were you encouraged and supported with out judgment or fingers being pointed?

Hmmm, once again we all shared something in common again.  Pretty sad.  Adult women knowing from a very young age that they’re just not good enough.  The women in the group ranged anywhere from about 30 – 55.  If I look at my own life and what has taken place over the past 24 hours, I’d say that life really hasn’t changed too much.

Today I kept my daughter home from school.  We chatted about last night and it was good that she could open up.  At one point last night I sat solemnly and just shook my head.  What is it that we’re teaching our children?  If children are what they learn, best we pay attention to what we’re teaching them.  What are we saying to them to encourage them in their own evolution?  If it’s things like; ‘you’re lazy. – you never do anything until you’ve been asked a dozen times.’ If those are the words of encouragement that you’re offering your child, you may want to reconsider the words that you choose to use.

Ask yourself,” Would I like someone talking to me like that?”  Ya well, that’s different cause I’m an adult.  Really.  It’s amazing what adults get away with because they’re older and taller than our children.

When was the last time you asked your child, “What is it like for you to be parented by me?”  And…would you even dare ask the question and if not, stop and ask yourself another question…Why?

Something tells me that the teen years and high school years are not a barrel of laughs.  These are not the best years in our children’s lives.  I remember what it was like in high school and I don’t remember a lot of yippee moments.  Hmmm, it’s about ’surviving.’  Yep, I’d say that she has it right.  It was about getting through to the other side in hopes that things couldn’t be any worse.

The title of this blog is what came out of my daughter’s mouth today when we were talking.  I paused and I really considered, “Am all I teaching my child to ‘do’ is survive?”

I really do have so much to share here and this is only the beginning for me.  I encourage you to encourage your children to be themselves.  I encourage you to show them by leading by example.

Creating Space to Consider…

Parenting as a State of Being ~ Not Doing

As I relax into my body and take a deep breath, I know that my life has changed and so has my daughter’s.

Amy